increasingly for the last few weeks i have been thinking about how my life seems to be a treadmill affair. i have to keep things simple and there are daily needs to attend to that steal from what i consider to be "my creative time". i resent that i cannot do every thing that i wish on any given day. i just can't fit it all in. i never considered the days long enough even when i was "healthy" and my productive/creative time becomes reduced constantly and sometimes erratically. this often makes me angry. not for the first time, this morning i thought about how this anger is robbing from me something that i can't afford to lose. the more energy and time i use to be angry, the less i have to be happy and creative with. seems so simple then . . . just "be happy" and continue on . . . and i can choose to see this as a laboriously fruitless life (a treadmill affair) or i can be grateful for each moment just as it is given to me. some moments seeming to be just "a grind" to get through in order to get to the next moment when i can (hopefully) finally enjoy the moment . . . see what i mean; a treadmill affair.
so this pretty well sums up the thought process for me lately and my effort is certainly there in trying to "carry on" with some grace and dignity, in fact to anyone observing i appear to be pulling it off fairly well. which is good because the last thing i want is pity~! what i really want is . . . well, i really want to just feel peace and self acceptance for what it is that i do have. i really do have so much to be grateful for(!) and i'm aware of that . . . i just lose sight of that thought while forging forward. does every moment have to be approached as a simple meditation in order to keep this in the front of my mind? and so i wrote my own simple meditation in the form of a poem. i felt better after i wrote it . . . for a while . . . then i had to re-read it . . .
life is cyclical. that is how it is supposed to be. i see this cycle repeated in many ways and in fact enjoy these natural rhythyms of nature. even relish them. so here, in this poem, is my attempt to frame my own life up as the natural creative cycle that it is. i need to make this acceptance as natural as breathing . . . and so again, i begin.
i begin.
accepting.
i begin again.
and yet again.
each new moment, a gift
every beat of my heart, a gift.
every renewed breath, a gift.
each thoughtful conception, a gift.
to be contemplated with love
and received with gratitude.
i begin with gratitude.
and yet again, i begin.
accepting.
and again
i begin.
Libby, That was beautiful. I too seem to be on that same teadmill. I find life as if I am pedalling fast, but never getting anywhere. Maybe more like a stationary bike... I think like you said that it is just part of life and it is our perspective that needs the adjustment. Perhaps I feel more frustration in the inability to move forward as opposed to anger, but it is there. I also like that you did not use capitals.. like e.e.cummings...no punctuation might have been effective too. Because, in effect a period inicates the end of the sentence, without it reflects the continuation of the cycle. Thanks for the thoughts and hope I didn't go on too much.
ReplyDeletehi Mary,
ReplyDeletethank you for the encouragement and support. it's always good to know that we aren't alone in our feelings.
why did e.e. cummings not use capitals? i don't use them because i'm a lazy typer/keyboarder and it's become such a habit that now i'm beginning to only use lower case letters when i handwrite anything out as well . . . i do sort of like the look of it and think it may be a habit i'll keep.
i thought about not using punctuation in the poem and in fact the first draft was free of it (as many of my first draft poems are) but then i decided that i have so much trouble with that (gratitude of every moment) cycle that the punctuation sort of indicated my inability to do it naturally . . . i dunno though, you might be right.
thank you so much for the visit and the comment. i appreciate your time spent at my blog~!~
:)
libbyQ
Hello Libby,
ReplyDeleteGlad you like your award. Just do usual, right click on award save picture then post it on your blog. Seems like lots have had them already so glad you haven't but you deserve it!
Love
Lyn
xxx
Libby,
ReplyDeleteAcceptance. One word but a huge concept. I think when we can accept a situation then we can truly move forward. Living in the moment is one of the best ways for me to keep my mind from spinning out of control! You have such an incredible creative mind that I know you must be able to revel in your moments of genious.
I hope that you can take some comfort in knowing that you are a great source of inspiration for other people.
rhonda, i so appreciate your interest and sweet encouragement~!~
ReplyDeletei don't know about any reveling but i am happy if i inspire you (and others) as much as you inspire me~!!~
:)
libbyQ
I love the format of your poem ~ complex concepts expressed in deceptively simple form. I've found, through years of dealing with my own MS, that acceptance is an ongoing struggle. It is hard to appreciate the gifts in life while at the same time grieving the losses. Acceptance comes in time and brings with it a certain peace.
ReplyDeletethank you Diane. some days are definately easier than others and i know that things could be a lot worse . . . so, yes, it's an ongoing struggle that i know you do understand intamately. thank you for your comment. i meant the poem to be in the shape of a leaf, indicating growth . . . and i appreciate that you noticed the significance of it's format.
ReplyDelete:)
libbyQ